Just when you think you’ve had as much as you can take, more challenges come along to bite you in the ass. These past few years, actually ever since my Dad died in my arms, have been a series of calamities. As a diabetic it is so critical for me to avoid stress in my life, and it seems to be the exact opposite. From caring for my mother, who had Alzheimer’s, which only those of you who have been there know how incredibly challenging that can be, to working my tail off, fourteen hours a day, seven days a week, renovating a house, only to lose everything when I couldn’t sell it, my life spiraled downhill. My doctor warned me that if I did not get out from under all this stress I would have a heart attack. I had to take the drastic step of leaving the country because my creditors were coming after me. I left for Panama Christmas Eve of 2007 and arrived two days later in Boquete up in the mountains. From having a gall bladder attack, forcing me into a third world hospital and nearly killing me, to being ripped off by a Panamanian family who I had just tried to help, to having all sorts of things stolen from me, to meeting a wacko lawyer who threatened to have me beat up when her attempts to extort money from me failed, Panama was yet another disaster. I had a grand total of $21 in the bank and nowhere to go. It looked like the end for me.

My cousin in Toronto came through in my hour of need and offered me safe haven until I could get back on my feet and start over. Although this was a blessing at the time, and no doubt saved me, it has turned into yet another nightmare. I did not realize that with the roof over my head came accountability to her for everything I did or how I chose to live my life. My one small glimmer of hope in all of this was meeting the love of my life, but my cousin has even managed to steal this away from me, passing judgment on me about wasting my time with her. It is all so very cruel and comes as quite a shock. I am struggling on welfare and have been paying my way with my cousin, but she wants me out and now! You could cut the tension with a knife and this is not what I need in any way. I wish I had been able to find a true friend to come back to, one who knew what I had been through for the past few years and who would give me some time to get my life back.

There just has to be many people in the world who, like me, are hanging on by a thread. We just need a helping hand to get back to where we used to be. We need a decent place to live and a job to help us recover and start to enjoy the pleasures of life yet again. I still believe in this concept of helping me and then allowing me to help others. That’s why I spent the precious $10 to renew this domain, hoping and praying someone, somewhere, will care.