When things go wrong there are many sayings that people use to try to “buck up” and get on with their lives. One is “when one door closes, another one opens”, suggesting a “glass half full, not half empty” approach when things go badly for them. After what I went through in Panama there were no sayings that worked for me. I was barely hanging on ready to leave this world. I felt persecuted and abandoned by just about everyone. They all wanted a piece of me and didn’t give a rat’s ass that I was on the verge of giving up.

Throughout my entire life I have believed in the Golden Rule – do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Sounds good, but, in practice, at least for me, it has never panned out that way. When you’re on top and have money and possessions and you are always available and more than willing to help, everyone is your friend. Every woman I ever had a relationship with, friend or lover, got her house renovated for free. I never expected or got anything in return, but I did not expect to be tossed aside like last week’s garbage. During my many years in the Okanagan I jumped to help anyone who needed it, from helping people move, to building decks and renovating, to business help like accounting, all the while believing that if I ever needed help in return, these people would jump to help me. Boy, was I wrong!

The first real opportunity I got to call for help was when I had to suddenly move out of my place on Horizon Drive because a by-law officer ruled my apartment was illegal. I had much of my stuff in a storage locker close by and everything had to be moved to my place in Westbank. I put the calls out and sent emails to everyone, just asking for a couple of hours of their time. A couple of people called to say they would try. When the day came, the hottest day of the year, only one friend, George, a buddy from the Corral, showed up. He brought a trailer and he worked his ass off helping me in the incredible heat. It was not easy, and I would never have been able to do the move myself, but George stuck around until every last piece was moved. I will never forget him for this. Strangely enough, out of all my friends at the time, George was about the only one who I had never helped with anything.

As I’ve said before I was blessed with many women friends in the Okanagan and I highly doubt that they each know how many times some of them called me to chat or cry or just share their thoughts with me. They wanted someone to listen and tell them everything would be okay. I always told them that I certainly was no expert in the relationship department, obviously, but they just needed someone to listen. When the tables turned and I was the one needing emotional support, they weren’t there for me. When the love of my life, Tracy, kicked me out of the house and I was destroyed emotionally, who came to my rescue and talked to me about it? Clayton, her ex husband. Hardly someone I would call a lifelong friend. He knew what I was going through and he was genuinely upset that I would not be the one looking after his kids now. He rescued me and helped me to see that things would get better and I would love again. He may well have been wrong about them getting better, but he was there for me. That’s what’s important.

I just read a quote that I think fits here perfectly.

We probably wouldn’t worry about what people think of us if we could know how seldom they do. ~Olin Miller.

It seems so-called friends are more interested in what you can do for them. If they see no benefits from you, they simply criticize you, scold you, pass judgment on you or, worse, forget about you. The world has become a very selfish place. The new Golden Rule? “Do unto others before they have a chance to do unto you.”