It’s said that friends are the family we choose. From those friends we made in our first years of school, through those made working and through sports and various social situations and, of course, governed by where we live through our lives, literally hundreds of potential friends come into our lives. Some, like those made in high school or university, may stay friends for life. Others come into our lives for a reason or a season as they say. No matter what, the value of a true friend cannot be overstated. This is particularly true when we all face the challenges in our lives, sometimes more than we can handle. This is the time when a kind word or offering support can literally save a life.

Some friends are, simply put, users. They want something from you and they will pretend to be your friend until they get what they want. I have had more than my fair share of these types of people. They befriend you, use you up and then throw you away. If you mistakenly thought they might be someone who really cared about you as a true friend, discovering you meant nothing to them can be very hard. The trick, one I have never learned, is to recognize the signs from the start, and not fall for their game. I think the best way would be to support them in every way you can, but then see what happens when you ask something in return. It can be something simple, like picking up groceries to make dinner for them, then see if they will do the same in return. Give them a ride somewhere and then ask the same in return. Help them fix something, or, like me, renovate their entire house, and then ask them to help you with something simple. You’ll soon learn that these so-called “friends” are nothing but users. The same is true if you have something they like, such as a boat or a pool. You quickly discover you have all these new friends. But, sell the boat or move somewhere with no pool, and they all just as quickly disappear. Never were true friends.

I discovered this the hard way. After helping people move, renovate, or whatever they needed, I had to move unexpectedly in the heat of the summer. I put the call out to my “friends” to ask for an hour or two of their time to help me. Not one of the people I had helped numerous times showed up. My one friend, George, who was really only an acquaintance from the Corral, did show up and worked tirelessly in the blazing heat for hours until we finally got everything done. I would have been lost without his help as I had things I could not lift. A true friend.

During my fifteen years in the Okanagan I made thirty or forty real friends. We did everything together and I believed I could call on them for anything. When circumstances forced me to leave the country to Panama I hoped to still stay in touch with all those friends back home. It was not to be. Out of sight, out of mind. They all just as quickly forgot me. Panama turned out to be a real challenge on so many levels and I had some very dark times, believing my life was over and there was no point in going on. When, at one point I had $21 to my name and was recovering from surgery to remove my gall bladder, with no food in the house, no power and my world collapsing around me, I could have used those friends. They deserted me. My cousin came to my rescue just in time and I managed to get back to Toronto, hoping to start over.

The only good thing to come out of Toronto at the time was meeting the love of my life online. She rekindled love in me and gave me something to look forward to. I ended up moving to London to be with her, and we had what I thought were the best times of our lives. I loved her completely. I trusted her totally. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. It was not to be. She lied to me and spent a weekend out of town with another man, and with her daughter to boot! Yes, the daughter I was not allowed to meet for months because it was “too soon”. This crushed me. I was a “dead man walking”. I sobbed uncontrollably and saw no reason to go on. I had lost the only thing left in my life of any value to me. I had been cheated on and lied to. I called out to friends to just help me get through this. I needed someone to tell me it would be okay. I needed someone to tell me I was not worthless. I needed a shoulder to cry on. I got nothing. Someone I thought was a friend here just blasted me for being so stupid as to move here for her. Not exactly helpful. Other friends online just went offline when I said I needed help. I was left all alone at the worst time possible. It all weighed very heavy on my soul. If I owned a gun, it would have been easy. I don’t and I’m still here, fumbling along with no sense of purpose.

So, if a friends calls out to you, answer the call. You just might save a life in the process.